Lemme tell you something…

Posts tagged “Star Wars

Then What?

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Luke: “Then what?”

Vader: “WHAT?!?”

Luke: “What happens after we rule the galaxy?”

Vader: “That’s it, son! Huhhhhhhh… That’s the endgame!”

Luke: “No it isn’t. That’s just the beginning! All of the military to hold onto the entire galaxy! Be honest. Our galaxy is 200,000 light-years across. It takes this Death Star a full life year just to travel 25,000 light years. That’s over 8 parsecs! Then…”

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… You’re over-thinking this. We’ll have experts to figure all of this out. All rulers rule by delegating authority.”

Luke: “Who can we trust with that authority? Depending on where we send them, it could take years before we know if they’ve betrayed us.”

Vader: “No one will dare to betray the empire!”

Luke: “Pop! Listen to yourself. You’re ready to betray the Emperor, your Master, right this second.”

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh…”

Luke: “And how many times have you betrayed me already?”

Vader: “Yes, well that was… Huhhhhhhh… ”

Luke: “The way you keep talking about what ‘the Emperor has foreseen’, how do you know he hasn’t ‘foreseen’ what you’re doing right now?

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… ”

Luke: “Look at how many decades the Emperor struggled just to get this far, and how much it damaged him, the trillions of followers he’s amassed, and he’s about to lose it all to us. And who the hell is following us? We’ll be traitors against both the rebellion *and* the Empire!”

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… Okay, look, we can form a coalition together and caucus with the Emperor …”

Luke: “The Emperor would go for that? Really?!?

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… No.”

Luke: “All of the infrastructure, the bureaucracy, the economics, the politics, the subterfuge, civil wars, counter-intelligence, distribution channels, cost-analysis ratios, and who knows how many others among the trillions that are as powerful as us, but are undetected because they’re too far away and we’re too busy farting around with power struggles. I mean, what’s the actual benefit of ruling an entire freaking galaxy?”

Vader: “You know, son. Huhhhhhhh… For a farmboy from some two-cred, hick desert planet, you sure have given this some thought.”

Luke: “Hey! Moisture farms are boring as hell. I had nothing else to do with my spare time *BUT* think about this crazy shit.”

END

FanFic 2018 by E.C. McMullen Jr.


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Build a galaxy of my work for your library! Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Reach across the pixel galaxy for even more!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the filmmaking guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

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THE EMPIRE FLAMES! LUKE FLAMES BACK!

giphyLUKE: “Hey Vader, wow, you really kicked ass… before you were 12. But since you’re like, 40 something, what have you done lately?

VADER: “Hhhhhhh … I … defeated Obi Wan … Sort Of … Hhhhh”

LUKE: “Yeah, once he stopped fighting. Tell you what: you know what else I never did? Pop ?  I never let the first woman who ever loved me to die the slave of Tusken Raiders!”

VADER: “Now HHHHHold on. I made them PAY for that.”

LUKE: “Yes, by killing all of them including their children. Took a lot of Force Fu to kill kids, did it? Pop?”

VADER: “It… It sent AHhhhhhhh…  message. Now I am the most feared …Hhhhhhh- ”

LUKE: “A message? What? ‘Oooo! Don’t mess with my Mama! Oh wait! She’s already dead! Well then the message is, don’t anyone else mess with my Mama! Oh wait, back to square one!’ Speaking of love, you know what else I never did? I never let the love of my life, the second and only woman left in the entire universe who could ever love me, DIE!

Only two people in the whole universe could ever love you, and you let both of them DIE!

Even worse: You spent the rest of your wretched adult life being a lapdog for your wife’s Murderer!

VADER: “WHAT?!?”

LUKE: “Palpatine is the one who murdered Mom, you freaking matchstick!”

Puny as you think I am? I started with nothing and conquered with little. With the combined might of the Jedi and the Empire and The Force, I would have never lost track of my Mother, my Wife, and both my children. Hell, I never killed children or helped destroy entire living planets. In fact, that’s kinda my thing. Between you and me?  I’M the only one who’s capable of saving the lives of people who matter to me.

VADER: “HHHHHHH!!!”

LUKE: “In fact, as weak as you think I am? When you and me went One on One? You blinked! With the combined might of the full Death Star, plus a Moon full of Tie Fighters plus your Elite, hand-picked personal wingmen, AND  your Sorcerer’s Ways, you still couldn’t protect the Death Star from ME!

I didn’t just destroy the Death Star, I personally took the most powerful Weapon of Mass Destruction ever created away from YOU!  And I did it while flying a used old beat to shit rebel fighter patch-job with a blown droid! It had after market seat covers from Autozone, for crying out loud! We had so little money we couldn’t afford cup holders! You had six full fleets of thousands of brand new, top of the line, Empire built, cutting edge Tie Fighters with Imperial trained pilots, with all of the latest weaponry and I still kicked your freaking ass, old man!

VADER: “HUFF! You had help! HHHHHHH! Millennium Falcon -”

LUKE: “That’s help? That old hunk of junk is a light freighter! A Light Freighter! The pilot won it in a card game! You had a brand new State of the Art Death Star and the full might of a military trained Imperial force!

Old busted Freighter! Brand New Death Star!

VADER: “Huffff! Yeah? Well …Hhhhhh…”

LUKE: “Holy shit! And the cherry on top of all of this is that lying son of a bitch, Obi Wan Kenobi!

On top of all your other failures, with the power of the Force and the might of the Empire at your disposal, you failed to find the One Guy you spent decades searching the galaxy for! The bastard who chopped your legs off and left you to die on a lava bed! And the entire time he was not only Living on your Home Planet within a three hour drive from your step brother Owen  – who you couldn’t save either, you loser – Kenobi was still using his real god damn name !

VADER: “The Force TOLD me Obi Wan – er – Obi Wa- Wan – WAS… Hhhhhhh … ON THE DEATH STAR!”

LUKE: “Huh! Yeah! After I flew across five systems and put him right on your god damn welcome mat!”

VADER: “I STILL KILLED HIM! Kind of…”

LUKE: “Yeah, After we kicked Imperial ass, After we rescued the Princess, After we vandalized your Death Star tractor beam, and After Obi stopped fighting. And that’s yet another thing! Your “Sorcerer’s Ways! – ”

VADER: “STOP SAYING THAT!”

LUKE: “- couldn’t even alert you to the fact that your last and only connection to Padmé, your children, were on your damn ship! Right under your plastic nose! You had both of us in the palm of your freaking hand and never knew it!

Great fucking use of the force there! Pop!

VADER: “Now listen you rotten BRAT! HHHHHHHBack When I Was 10, I – HHHHHH-”

LUKE: “Hey! Too damn bad you weren’t fighting me when you were 10.”

END


pb300Why fight it? Get my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Burning for more?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.