Lemme tell you something…

Posts tagged “cheese

Not My Last Brush With Death

BaconBombMeatloafMe: “Embrace me sweet death – but first, try a bite of this delicious Bacon Bomb meatloaf!”
DEATH: ‘YOU KNOW I DON’T HAVE A TONGUE.”
Me: “But you talk like-”
DEATH: “I HAVE NO FLESH AT ALL.”
Me: “But you talk like a person with lungs, vocal cords, the whole nine yards.”
DEATH: “DO YOU SEE A TONGUE IN THIS MOUTH? DO YOU?”
Me: “No, but- wait. Then how do you see?”
DEATH: “THROAT? STOMACH? ANYTHING?”
Me: Well no, but how… I mean-”
DEATH: “NO NOSE! I CAN’T EVEN SMELL WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TASTE IT?”
Me: “I’m sorry. But I thought-”
DEATH: “YOU THOUGHT? YOU THOUGHT YOU’D OFFER SOMEONE WITHOUT A NOSE OR TONGUE A TASTE OF SOMETHING?”
Me: “Really, I’m sorry.”
DEATH: “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, YOU KNOW THAT? A REAL BENIGHTED JERK!”
Me: “Sorry.”
DEATH: “YOUR VERY PRESENCE REVILES ME! I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO TAKE YOUR LIFE. I’M GOING TO LET YOU LIVE AND SUFFER. AND I HOPE YOU’RE SUFFERING THROUGH SOMETHING REALLY PAINFUL RIGHT NOW!”
Me: (sotto voce): “…just this conversation…”
DEATH: “WHAT?!?”
Me: “Nothing.”

Image from Amarillo Globe-News
February 17, 2014 at 9:12am
Submitted by Delonda Dunn

Bacon Bomb: a bacon weave wrapped around a mixture of sausage, cream cheese, jalapeños & cheddar cheese.


wb2016My book is the bomb!
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Want more? Buy

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Crave still more?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

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