Lemme tell you something…

Latest

That’s Vita!

THAT’S VITA!
by E.C. McMullen Jr.
Copyright 2016VirgilFinlay

Vita raised her open hands to her pet bat, Jasper.

On the palm of Vita’s right hand was a magic marker drawing of an insect. Jasper loved eating insects. If he chose that hand, Vita would reward him with all of the delicious insects he could eat in one night.

On the open palm of her left hand was a drawing of a grape. Jasper was not a fruit bat and, even if he was, Vita only grew sour grapes.

All of this was academic, however, because Jasper’s eyesight was quite poor and he relied almost entirely on echolocation and his sense of smell.

Echolocation couldn’t differentiate between the two drawings and his sense of smell only told him that the ink used was alcohol based.

So the odds were 50-50 and Jasper, being a bat, was poor at odds-making. Still, while only able to think with his bat brain, a rudimentary suspicion was dawning on poor Jasper.

‘Vita è una cagna.’

END
Story, THAT’S VITA!, Copyright 2016 by E.C. McMullen Jr.
Inspired by the Artwork of  Virgil Finlay.


wb2016You’ll go bats for my book,
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Want more? Buy

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Crave still more?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

THE NIGHTMARE YOU WANT

PATRICK STEWART
IS
FREDDY KRUEGER

IN

A NIGHTMARE AT ELM STREET STATION Patrick Krueger


WillowBlueCoverNeed some new Nightmares? Buy my book
WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
A collection of Five critically acclaimed tales featuring Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!

Now on sale for $1.99 and available for your Kindle reader and App!

ALSO –

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Available in print for $9.00 or in eBook for $1.99 at online retailers everywhere for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!

Also look for my short story, “Cedo Looked Like People”, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, E.C. McMullen Jr. and many more, in the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream.

my Rick and Morty meme

There are many Rick and Morty memes, but this one is mine.

Actually, Rick and Morty don’t belong to me and this image may not ever become a meme in the strictest Dawkinian sense of the word.

So just take it for what it is. Use it for whatever bureaucratic waste of life, time, and money applies.

Rick-Morty-BoondoggleAnd yeah, it’s pretty chatty for a meme, but Rick’s a chatty guy.

On This Day In 1975

Summers at the beach would never be the same after Steven Spielberg brought Peter Benchley’s massively influential best seller, JAWS, to life.
http://feoamante.com/Movies/JKL/jaws.html

JAWS, 1975

JAWS, 1975

IF YOU HAD DEATH’S SCYTHE

Well, since you asked…

Scythe

You’ve been given complete control over the Grim Reaper’s Scythe

Rules

It’s pointless to wield Death’s Scythe unless you have Death’s abilities. So let’s take into account that, like Death, I can be anywhere at any time and many different places at once. I’ll be like a Terry Pratchett DEATH, where every form of life has their own version of Death (The Death of Mice. The Death of Elephants, and so on).

I’m the Grim Reaper of Humanity.

What Would I Do?

Bring peace to the world.

I’d start by going into the United Nations during a Peace Summit, first thing Monday morning. I’d just walk right in, unimpeded right past security (because, seriously, who is going to stop me?)

Then I’d walk right up to the podium, regardless of who was already there (because, seriously…), and I’d say (in the dulcet tones of Death’s sepultural,Christopher Lee, voice),

“SO, WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A RECORD BREAKING, GENUINELY PRODUCTIVE PEACE SUMMIT, AREN’T WE? WE’RE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY CHILDISH NONSENSE, ARE WE? NO, WE ARE ALL ADULTS.

NOW I KNOW THERE ARE A LOT OF COUNTRIES REPRESENTED HERE AND IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR EVERYONE TO MEET WITH EVERYONE. YOU KNOW, TO HAMMER OUT ALL OF THE DETAILS TO BEST REPRESENT THE WELFARE OF YOUR NATION’S CITIZENRY. YOU HAVE UNTIL FRIDAY AT 5:00PM.”

There would be silence from the assembled august body, as you’d expect from such a momentous occasion and announcement. Yet, inevitably as there always is, there would be that one person.

Voice in the auditorium:
“What happens if we haven’t resolved our differences by 5pm Friday?”

“THANK YOU FOR VOLUNTEERING TO BE AN EXAMPLE.”

I’d step off the podium and walk with an intent and uninterrupted straight line for that person (because, seriously…).

At some point the soon-to-be-deceased would realize I was serious as a literal heart attack and run screaming from the room. I’d follow at a walk, go through the double doors, then turn around and (to be heard) bellow to everyone else,

Me: “REMEMBER! 5PM THIS FRIDAY! DON’T BE LATE!”
Then I’d close the double doors behind me.

– E.C. McMullen Jr.


pb300Don’t wait to buy my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Burning for more?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

WHO ARE THEY?

Back in 2012, after decades of searching, I finally found out who They were.

They.

They were so arrogant, so smug in their anonymity, that bypassing their security was a breeze.

They woke to find me standing in the dark at the foot of their beds.

Their brazen over-confidence sold them out and I quickly executed every single one in the house.

They died cowering in screams and tears.

The noise of my unmerciful rampage brought the cops almost immediately, but not quick enough to stop me. I surrendered my weapons without incident and was handcuffed.

The arresting officers took a good long look around at my bloody carnage.

Then one said, “Wait… wait a minute. That’s … this is Them isn’t it?”

I shook my head. “No. This is They.”

“They?” said the other officer. “THE They?”

I nodded. Both officers took a second look.

“It really is…” the first whispered in awe. “Shit. It’s really They.”

A moment passed in silence. I felt the cuffs click off of my wrists.

“Go on…”

“Get out of here.”

I didn’t need to be told again. I got the hell out as fast as I could.

They were finished. All the misery: all the foul, evil things They said and They did was done. They would never control you, me, and the Dostoevskys of the world again.

That was a long time ago, but I’m not through yet.

I’m still looking for Them.

END

(inspired by Alessandra Bava)


wb2016Your search is over! Buy my book,
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Want more? Buy

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Crave still more?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

THE EMPIRE FLAMES BACK

giphyLUKE: “Hey Vader, wow, you really kicked ass… before you were 12. But since you’re like, 40 something, what have you done lately?

VADER: “Hhhhhhh … I … defeated Obi Wan … Sort Of … Hhhhh”

LUKE: “Yeah, once he stopped fighting. Tell you what: you know what else I never did? Pop ?  I never let the first woman who ever loved me to die the slave of Tusken Raiders!”

VADER: “Now HHHHHold on. I made them PAY for that.”

LUKE: “Yes, by killing all of them including their children. Took a lot of Force Fu to kill kids, did it? Pop?”

VADER: “It… It sent AHhhhhhhh…  message. Now I am the most feared …Hhhhhhh- ”

LUKE: “A message? What? ‘Oooo! Don’t mess with my Mama! Oh wait! She’s already dead! Well then the message is, don’t anyone else mess with my Mama! Oh wait, back to square one!’ Speaking of love, you know what else I never did? I never let the love of my life, the second and only woman left in the entire universe who could ever love me, DIE!

Only two people in the whole universe could ever love you, and you let both of them DIE!

Even worse: You spent the rest of your wretched adult life being a lapdog for your wife’s Murderer!

VADER: “WHAT?!?”

LUKE: “Palpatine is the one who murdered Mom, you freaking matchstick!”

Puny as you think I am? I started with nothing and conquered with little. With the combined might of the Jedi and the Empire and The Force, I would have never lost track of my Mother, my Wife, and both my children. Hell, I never killed children or helped destroy entire living planets. In fact, that’s kinda my thing. Between you and me?  I’M the only one who’s capable of saving the lives of people who matter to me.

VADER: “HHHHHHH!!!”

LUKE: “In fact, as weak as you think I am? When you and me went One on One? You blinked! With the combined might of the full Death Star, plus a Moon full of Tie Fighters plus your Elite, hand-picked personal wingmen, AND  your Sorcerer’s Ways, you still couldn’t protect the Death Star from ME!

I didn’t just destroy the Death Star, I personally took the most powerful Weapon of Mass Destruction ever created away from YOU!  And I did it while flying a used old beat to shit rebel fighter patch-job with a blown droid! It had after market seat covers from Autozone, for crying out loud! We had so little money we couldn’t afford cup holders! You had six full fleets of thousands of brand new, top of the line, Empire built, cutting edge Tie Fighters with Imperial trained pilots, with all of the latest weaponry and I still kicked your freaking ass, old man!

VADER: “HUFF! You had help! HHHHHHH! Millennium Falcon -”

LUKE: “That’s help? That old hunk of junk is a light freighter! A Light Freighter! The pilot won it in a card game! You had a brand new State of the Art Death Star and the full might of a military trained Imperial force!

Old busted Freighter! Brand New Death Star!

VADER: “Huffff! Yeah? Well …Hhhhhh…”

LUKE: “Holy shit! And the cherry on top of all of this is that lying son of a bitch, Obi Wan Kenobi!

On top of all your other failures, with the power of the Force and the might of the Empire at your disposal, you failed to find the One Guy you spent decades searching the galaxy for! The bastard who chopped your legs off and left you to die on a lava bed! And the entire time he was not only Living on your Home Planet within a three hour drive from your step brother Owen  – who you couldn’t save either, you loser – Kenobi was still using his real god damn name !

VADER: “The Force TOLD me Obi Wan – er – Obi Wa- Wan – WAS… Hhhhhhh … ON THE DEATH STAR!”

LUKE: “Huh! Yeah! After I flew across five systems and put him right on your god damn welcome mat!”

VADER: “I STILL KILLED HIM! Kind of…”

LUKE: “Yeah, After we kicked Imperial ass, After we rescued the Princess, After we vandalized your Death Star tractor beam, and After Obi stopped fighting. And that’s yet another thing! Your “Sorcerer’s Ways! – ”

VADER: “STOP SAYING THAT!”

LUKE: “- couldn’t even alert you to the fact that your last and only connection to Padmé, your children, were on your damn ship! Right under your plastic nose! You had both of us in the palm of your freaking hand and never knew it!

Great fucking use of the force there! Pop!

VADER: “Now listen you rotten BRAT! HHHHHHHBack When I Was 10, I – HHHHHH-”

LUKE: “Hey! Too damn bad you weren’t fighting me when you were 10.”

END


pb300Why fight it? Get my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: True Love, Weird Sex, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Burning for more?

Look for my second collection, WILLOW BLUE and Other Stories
Five critically acclaimed tales featuring my literary twist on Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem! $8.00 for the paperback, $1.99 for the kindle reader or app. As always, buy the paperback from Amazon and get the kindle free!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself as well as Ray Bradbury, John Carpenter, Wes Craven, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, and many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

%d bloggers like this: