Lemme tell you something…

Life

So Scary

SO SCARY
Copyright 2017 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

RedDeath

Death: “RON? ALL RIGHT, SERIOUSLY RON, YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME, AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR DEATH WHEN I SAY THIS-”

Death: “WE REALLY SHOULD HAVE A BETTER WAY OF IDENTIFYING OURSELVES.”

Death: “I DON’T SEE WHY. I CAN’T EVER REMEMBER BEING IN THIS SITUATION BEFORE.”

Ron: “It would help me.”

Death: “OH HOW CAN IT POSSIBLY HELP YOU? I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU, YOU HAVE DEATH AT EVERY SHOULDER AND WE’RE NOT EVEN THE ONES YOU’RE AFRAID OF.”

Death: “I’M SLOW AND PAINFUL. TO YOUR RIGHT IS QUICK AND PAINLESS.”

Ron: “I’ll take quick and painless.”

Death: “IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.”

Death: “RON, THE FACT THAT THE PRESENCE OF ACTUAL PHYSICAL DEATH NOT SCARING YOU AS MUCH AS INTRODUCING YOURSELF TO THAT WOMAN? HONESTLY. I MET YOUR PARENTS. THEY WEREN’T THAT BAD. THIS IS ALL YOUR INVENTION, IN YOUR HEAD.”

Ron: “What if she doesn’t like me? I’ve always been awkward around girls- Women I mean.  I mean, aw hell.”

Death: “RON, YOU’RE THE LAST MAN ON EARTH. SHE’S THE LAST WOMAN. THINK MAN! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO TO MAKE MATTERS ANY WORSE?”

Death: “BESIDES NOT GOING OVER THERE AND INTRODUCING YOURSELF.”

Ron: “I don’t know, guys. Maybe I need to think of a good opening line. One I can practice.”

Death: “DAMN IT, RON. THIS ISN’T WHAT DEATH DOES.”

Death: “WE’RE IN THE BACKGROUND. NEVER SEEN. WE AREN’T MATCH MAKERS.”

Death: “BUT WITHOUT LIFE THERE IS NO DEATH.”

Death: “YOU MUST PROCREATE.”

Ron: “What’s the point? So our kids will raise a family of inbreds?”

Death: “THAT’S REALLY NEITHER HERE NOR THERE TO US, RON.”

Death: “OH HO! THERE’LL BE SOME FREAKS AT FIRST, TO BE SURE. BUT AFTER A FEW GENERATIONS, IT ALL KIND OF SHAKES OUT.”

Death: “MOSTLY SHAKES OUT. THERE’S ALWAYS A FEW GENETIC ‘PROBLEM CHILD’ ABNORMALITIES THAT POP UP IN THE MIX.”

Death: “YEAH, YOU’LL STILL HAVE POLITICIANS.”

Death: “KHEEE!!! HEH! HEH! YOU KILL ME!”

Death: “HEH! HEH!”

Death: “BUT SERIOUSLY: WE DON’T CARE HOW SMART OR SICKLY HUMANS ARE.”

Death: “WE DON’T JUDGE.”

Death: “AND SINCE YOU’RE THE ONLY MAN STILL ALIVE, NEITHER WILL SHE. YOU PRETTY MUCH CAN’T GO WRONG.”

Death: “WELL, EXCEPT FOR THAT TIE. UGH! THAT TIE!”

Death: “YOU JUST TOLD HIM WE DON’T JUDGE.”

Death: “… AH… I’M COMPLEX.”

Ron: “Yaaaahhh!!!”

Death: “HEY! SHH! SHUT UP!!!”

Ron: “You’re both driving me crazy!”

Death: “SHE HEARD YOU, YOU FREAK! YOU WANT HER TO THINK THE LAST MAN IS SOME RAVING MANIAC?”

Ron: “This is delusion! I’m not talking to death or deaths! I’m losing my mind! You’re not real! None of this is-!”

Slow And Painful Death suddenly pushes Ron’s head into the wall.

Ron: “OW! Shit!”

Death: “THERE. THAT WILL EXPLAIN YOUR NOISE. TELL HER THE BUMP IS BECAUSE YOU HURT YOUR HEAD.”

Ron: “You Did  hurt my head! Damn! I’m bleeding.”

Death: “NO, ‘YOU HURT YOUR HEAD’. NOW GET OVER THERE AND MAKE WITH THE SMOOTH TALK.”

Death to the Left pushes Ron out into the light. The woman sees him stumble toward her.

Death: “GOOD THINKING. REASON DIDN’T WORK WITH THAT GUY.”

Death: “BULL BY THE HORNS AND ALL. WELL, THAT’S THAT. THE DOMINOES ARE FALLING AS THEY USED TO SAY.”

Ron (to woman): “Uh, hi, m’am.”

Woman: “M’am? Tch! The name is Tracy. Do you know you’re bleeding? Quite a bump.”

Ron wipes some of the blood away with his palm. Looks at his bloody hand and wipes it on his pants. Tracy watches all of this, judging.

Ron: “Yes, uh… I bumped my head.”

Tracy: “Obviously.”

Ron: “I… I’m Ron.”

Tracy (sarcastically): “I asked?”

Unsure, Ron looks back to the two deaths in the shadows. They throw up their bony arms in disbelief.

Death (whispering): “Oh! Don’t Draw Attention To Us, You Ass!”

Tracy: “What are you looking at? You have friends back there?”

Ron: “What? Oh no. No. I’m the last man on earth.”

Tracy pulls a cigarette out of her purse. Ron fumbles in his pockets, looking for matches or a lighter, though he knows he has neither. Tracy wags a finger at him, a lighter in her palm, and deftly lights her cigarette.

Tracy: “Last man on earth, huh? God must hate me.”

Slow on the uptake, Ron chooses to laugh, cautiously. The two Deaths, standing in the dark, cannot believe what they’re hearing.

Tracy: “So tell me, am I the last woman on earth?”

Ron: “Yes. We’re the only ones left.”

Tracy: “Uh huh. And just how do you know this?”

Ron: “Death told me.”

The cigarette nearly drops from Tracy’s mouth. The two deaths face palm.

Death: “Oh For The Love Of -!”
Death: “Can You Believe This?”

Tracy takes the cigarette from her mouth, swats away an errant bug attracted to the flame.

Tracy: “Death told you.”

Ron: “Both of them.”

Tracy: “Really. Well, I’ll tell you what.”

Tracy draws a pistol from her purse.

Tracy: “You scurry right back over there to your shadows and I’ll leave you to this filthy dump. I catch you following me and I’ll pop one of these lead berries right into that bleeding bubble on your bean. Got that?”

Ron nods nervously, backing up and staring in terror at the gun barrel.

Death: “WELL, WE HAD A GOOD RUN. AT LEAST WE’RE STILL THE DEATH OF THE LOWER LIFE FORMS.”

Death: “THOSE TWO ARE THE LOWEST LIFE FORMS. CAN WE BREAK WITH TRADITION FOR ONCE AND JUST PUT THEM OUT OF THEIR MISERY? NOW?”

Death: “ONLY IF I GET RON.”

Death: “Damn! UH… ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS?”

Death: “YEAH, SURE.”

END

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Who did my blog art? I’ve no idea. All the meme generators seem to carry it, but even if it’s in the Public Domain, I’d at least like to credit the artist. Does anyone know?


wb2016Make sure you have plenty to read for the end of the world. Buy my book,
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Apocalypse not coming soon enough to suit you? Stock up then.

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Fill that shelf space

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Record the event for future colonists from other worlds!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


The Staring Woman

I didn’t write this meme, I found the image at one of my Facebook Horror groups (WeirdCreepyShit). Additionally, I found what appears to be the original version at CreepyPasta.Wiki. As far as I can tell, it’s an Urban Legend.

Few gave much love to the CreepyPasta.Wiki version.

When I added a “final” paragraph at Facebook WeirdCreepyShit and my own Facebook page, that got lots of love, so I’m posting the image and my paragraph after.StaringWoman

The girl looked in horror at the now empty subway tube, then turned back to the doctor in shock.
“Oh my God!” she whispered. “How could you tell without checking her pulse?”
The man withdrew a long and shining blade from out of his raincoat.
“It’s my specialty.”

END

A Google image search shows Subway image appears to originate as a free image offered on hdwall.us.

Can anyone help me find the name of the artist?


wb2016Best thing to read on a train? My book,
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Long ride? Buy

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Daily commute?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


Not My Last Brush With Death

BaconBombMeatloafMe: “Embrace me sweet death – but first, try a bite of this delicious Bacon Bomb meatloaf!”
DEATH: ‘YOU KNOW I DON’T HAVE A TONGUE.”
Me: “But you talk like-”
DEATH: “I HAVE NO FLESH AT ALL.”
Me: “But you talk like a person with lungs, vocal cords, the whole nine yards.”
DEATH: “DO YOU SEE A TONGUE IN THIS MOUTH? DO YOU?”
Me: “No, but- wait. Then how do you see?”
DEATH: “THROAT? STOMACH? ANYTHING?”
Me: Well no, but how… I mean-”
DEATH: “NO NOSE! I CAN’T EVEN SMELL WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TASTE IT?”
Me: “I’m sorry. But I thought-”
DEATH: “YOU THOUGHT? YOU THOUGHT YOU’D OFFER SOMEONE WITHOUT A NOSE OR TONGUE A TASTE OF SOMETHING?”
Me: “Really, I’m sorry.”
DEATH: “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, YOU KNOW THAT? A REAL BENIGHTED JERK!”
Me: “Sorry.”
DEATH: “YOUR VERY PRESENCE REVILES ME! I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO TAKE YOUR LIFE. I’M GOING TO LET YOU LIVE AND SUFFER. AND I HOPE YOU’RE SUFFERING THROUGH SOMETHING REALLY PAINFUL RIGHT NOW!”
Me: (sotto voce): “…just this conversation…”
DEATH: “WHAT?!?”
Me: “Nothing.”

Image from Amarillo Globe-News
February 17, 2014 at 9:12am
Submitted by Delonda Dunn

Bacon Bomb: a bacon weave wrapped around a mixture of sausage, cream cheese, jalapeños & cheddar cheese.


wb2016My book is the bomb!
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Want more? Buy

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Crave still more?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


The Young Girl and Death

younggirldeath

Art: The Young Girl and Death, Marianne Stokes, 1900
Text: Feo Amante, 2017


Image

Someone’s Knockin’ at the Door

knock-the-door


MERCY CLOCK

clockMercy had enough. In fact, in her heart she knew she was done with Clay.

It was her name, she realized. Her parents gave her this name and it informed her personality. Knowing this, she would give Clay one more chance, in her merciful consideration that, dealing with a “grounded” name like Clay, may also inform his behavior.

When the weekend came and they were dressed to go out, Mercy approached her lover while holding within her arms a huge battery powered novelty clock. It was no less accurate for the novelty.

Clay slipped on his Saturday mask. A stylized version of a 17th Century Italian plague mask, the long beak kind favored by doctors of the era. Clay’s mask was a cheap piece of plastic imitation. It was face mask only, held on by a rubber band.

Mercy expected it to be one of those days, which is why she held the clock.

Mercy: “See this clock, Clay?”
Clay: “See these eye holes in my mask, Mercy? Of course I see the big fucking clock! Duh!”
Mercy: “I’m dead serious, Clay. I will give this relationship 12 hours. When I set foot out that door you will have only 12 hours to grow up. Only 12 hours to stop your childish crap in public.”

Clay lifted his mask. His brows and eye lids screwed up as if he was preparing a riposte, an attempt to smarmily justify himself.

Mercy was having none of it.

Mercy: “I’m going for a walk now and I want you to come with me.”
Clay: “Seriously? You want to walk together this time?”
Mercy: “Yes. Clay. I want to walk together. Walk. I want you to Walk with me, not carry on like a jackass. Can I trust you to Walk with me? No antics?”

Clay didn’t answer, only pulled his mask back down so that his eyes were hidden within the dark of it. His top hat topped off his ensemble.

With Clay’s unsatisfactory behavior, Mercy was on the edge of ending it now, yet she heard herself repeat.

Mercy: “Will you walk with me, Clay?”
Clay: “I’ve got 12 hours?”

Not a caveat Mercy wanted to hear.

Mercy: “I’m taking the clock with us.”
Clay: “Oh come on!”
Mercy: “I’m taking the clock.”

It was bitter cold outside, which to Mercy felt emotionally apropos. As she walked, Clay walked beside her, still wearing that idiot mask.

‘Why didn’t I include the mask in the bargain?’ She chided herself ‘Why?’

Maybe she no longer cared. Mercy wasn’t sure if she loved Clay anymore or ever could. She’d reached the point where she wondered why she ever did. The fun of dating Clay was exciting. The fun of being in a relationship with Clay quickly lost its flavor. They didn’t hold hands, as instead she held the grim reminder of the giant clock. It either ticked up toward a new life together or down to the death of their relationship. Mercy felt indifferent to either.

A cold wind swirled the park’s late Autumn leaves around them and she side-eye spied Clay shiver. She knew his vibrato was not from the cold. Mercy looked at the clock. They’d only been walking for twenty minutes.

An unexpected flurry of dry snow whipped around them, shooing the leaves down the path. Birds blew in out of nowhere, fluttering madly to avoid crashing into the humans.

Suddenly Clay’s barely controlled vibrato turned fortissimo as he threw out his arms and flapped them.

“I’m A Bird!” he crescendo’d, leaping into the air.

Tiny chips of teeth ground out of Mercy’s grimace. ‘Fuck! The god damn mask! That’s the key this whole time. It feeds his stupid alter-ego.’ Why did she never notice before?

The earth didn’t want to be the ground, forever looking up at a wondrous sky. It wanted to fly and Clay jumped around her, flapping his arms with all the agile aerial grace of a pig.

“Imma Bird! I can fly! Imma Bird!” he yelled in sing song.

Passerby furtively stared or awkwardly looked away. Clay with his ridiculous antics, Mercy with her ridiculous clock, she suddenly realized what a quixotic set they appeared to be.

Only now regretting having struck the bargain and made the rules, Mercy gazed down at her clownishly huge novelty clock.

Eleven and a half more hours of this bullshit.

END
Story, MERCY CLOCK, Copyright 2016 by E.C. McMullen Jr.
Artist Unknown


wb2016Don’t live with regrets! Buy my book,
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Want more? Buy

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Crave still more?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


That’s Vita!

THAT’S VITA!
by E.C. McMullen Jr.
Copyright 2016VirgilFinlay

Vita raised her open hands to her pet bat, Jasper.

On the palm of Vita’s right hand was a magic marker drawing of an insect. Jasper loved eating insects. If he chose that hand, Vita would reward him with all of the delicious insects he could eat in one night.

On the open palm of her left hand was a drawing of a grape. Jasper was not a fruit bat and, even if he was, Vita only grew sour grapes.

All of this was academic, however, because Jasper’s eyesight was quite poor and he relied almost entirely on echolocation and his sense of smell.

Echolocation couldn’t differentiate between the two drawings and his sense of smell only told him that the ink used was alcohol based.

So the odds were 50-50 and Jasper, being a bat, was poor at odds-making. Still, while only able to think with his bat brain, a rudimentary suspicion was dawning on poor Jasper.

‘Vita è una cagna.’

END
Story, THAT’S VITA!, Copyright 2016 by E.C. McMullen Jr.
Inspired by the Artwork of  Virgil Finlay.


wb2016You’ll go bats for my book,
WILLOW BLUE.
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Want more? Buy

PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Crave still more?

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.