Lemme tell you something…

VIKINGS vs WATER DRAGON

Viking-seas

Viking Seas by Santos Garijo

VIKINGS vs WATER DRAGON
Copyright 2014 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

NORSE CAPTAIN: “Ha, HA! Foul sea creature! We have you Know!”
WATER DRAGON: “…? YOU MEAN YOU HAVE ME, NOW ?”
NORSE CAPTAIN: “Huh? … Oh. Yes! We have you now!”
WATER DRAGON: “YOU’RE 300 YARDS AWAY AND NO ONE IS ROWING. HOW, PRAY TELL, DO YOU HAVE ME NOW?”
NORSE CHIEF: “The Great Wizard enchanted our swords and axes to pierce your flesh and claim your heart! Ha! HA!”

( All the Norsemen ): “Ha! HAA!!!”

WATER DRAGON: “Tcha!  WHAT GREAT WIZARD?”
NORSE CHIEF: Gustafson!”
WATER DRAGON: “WHOA! THE GUSTAFSON?”
NORSE CHIEF: “The Same!”
WATER DRAGON: “THAT’S PRETTY IMPRESS… NO WAIT. WHAT AM I THINKING? YOU POOR FOOLS IN YOUR DINKY DINGHY CAN’T EVEN BUY A WARSHIP. YOU CAN’T AFFORD THE GREAT WIZARD GUSTAFSON!”
NORSE CHIEF: “We honored the price of our-“
NORSE CAPTAIN: “Let me handle this.”
NORSE CHIEF: “You’re the Captain.”
NORSE CAPTAIN: “We vouchsafed his magics with the liberty of our village!”
WATER DRAGON: “HUH! YOU IDIOTS ENSLAVED YOUR VILLAGE TO A GREAT WIZARD? FOR MAGIC SWORDS?!?
NORSE CAPTAIN: “Ah! But what the Great Gustafson REALLY wants are a Dragon’s teeth and heart!”
WATER DRAGON: “NOW I GET IT.”
NORSE CAPTAIN: “So come at us, Dragon! And meet thy doom this day!”

( All the Norsemen ): “Ha! HAA!!!”

WATER DRAGON: “NO.”

( Moment of shocked silence. The dragon’s reaction was clearly never considered )

NORSE CHIEF: “Whhu- Wha- What?”
WATER DRAGON: “NO AS IN: NAH, NOT INTERESTED.”
NORSE CAPTAIN
: “But I’ve challenged you! You can’t refuse!
WATER DRAGON: “I CAN’T REFUSE A CHALLENGE? FROM SOME BEARDED MONKEYS IN A WOODEN HAT?”
NORSE CHIEF: “Whoa! Hey now!”
WATER DRAGON: “PAH! CHALLENGE! THERE’S NO CHALLENGE.”
NORSE CAPTAIN: “Buh – buh –  But you! You HAVE to! Or the Great Wizard! He’ll… ! Whew! …er… FIGHT you COWARD!”
WATER DRAGON: “IF YOU WERE A THREAT, THAT MIGHT MEAN SOMETHING. LATERS.”

Water Dragon vanishes beneath the waves.

NORSE CAPTAIN: “NO WAIT!”
NORSE CHIEF: “NOOOOO!”

The Norse Captain stares at the air where the dragon was. He looks at the water where the dragon vanished. His magic sword drops to the deck of the dinghy as he sits down hard.

The little boat rocks alone on the waves of the sea. The Norse Captain stares out at nothing.

Clouds pass overhead. Finally,

NORSE WARRIOR 1: “It’s not coming back.”
NORSE WARRIOR 2: “We are Screwed!”
NORSE CHIEF: “Uh… belay that.”
NORSE WARRIOR 2: “We are SO Screwed!”
NORSE CHIEF: “Damn it! I Said-!”
NORSE WARRIOR 1: “We have nothing left to BARTER!”
NORSE WARRIOR 2: “The wizard will ENSLAVE us!”
NORSE WARRIOR 1: “With the rest of our Village as soon as we RETURN!”
NORSE CHIEF: “Well… Mmm…  yeah. …Yep. Any ideas, Captain?”
NORSE CAPTAIN: ( silently stares out over the rolling, empty sea )
NORSE CHIEF: “Captain?”
NORSE CAPTAIN: “Anyone speak French?”

END

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Artwork, Viking Seas, by Santos Garijo.


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