Lemme tell you something…


CowThis looks like a job for…

Mother: “My child needs breakfast and we’re all out of Milk!”
Accommodating Cow: “MOO!”
Child: “Look Mom! It’s Accommodating Cow!”
Mother: “Oh Accommodating Cow! Thank Goodness you’ve arrived!”
Accommodating Cow: “MOOO.”
Mother: “We have no milk for Junior’s cereal-“
Child: “My name is Craig.”
Mother: “-Craig’s cereal, Accommodating Cow! What can we do?”
Accommodating Cow: “Ahem! MOO.”
Mother: “How’s that?”
Accommodating Cow: (sarcastically) “Mooo?”
Mother:Do you understand what she’s saying?”
Child: “I don’t speak cow, Mom.”
Accommodating Cow: (shaking her head in disbelief) “MOOOO!”
Mother:Oh! If only there was someone who understood cow!”
Accommodating Cow: “MOO-MOO?” (stomps with her front hooves) “MOO!”
Child: “*Sigh* This isn’t going anywhere, is it?”
Mother: “If we only knew what she was trying to say!”
Accommodating Cow: (really getting agitated) “MOO!-OOO!-OOO!!!”
Child: “Okay, I gotta get to school, now.”
Mother: “You’re not leaving this table until you’ve finished your cigarette!”
Accommodating Cow: “Huff! Huff!” (turns a full frustrated circle, knocking the table over) MOOOOO!!! MOOOOO!!! MOOOO-WOOOO!!!”
Child: “Yeah, you were a big help! Stupid cow!”


pb300Holy cow, you should buy my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).

Want to butter that special someone up? Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Pardon me for milking this, but-

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

If I haven’t cheesed you off yet, also buy,

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.


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