I’ve No Idea
I’m alone most of today, it’s lunch time, so I go to the fridge to see what we’ve got.
I start moving things around around…
This clear glass container with a plastic lid.
What is this stuff?
I open the lid to get a better look. Yuck.
What the hell is this stuff?
This doesn’t look like food. Not any food I would eat.
In fact, it’s so repulsive looking that I won’t even give it the sniff test. i mean, if it smells as bad as it looks?
My brain’s ID configuration exhausted, my imagination takes over and that’s when things get bad.
It looks like… like something that belongs in someone in a pudding of gooey vegetables. I guess they’re vegetables. Asparagus kind of string bean tomatoes? But the main thing. The kind of centerpiece to it all. I’ve no idea.
It looks like some… Thing … that a person shouldn’t, or couldn’t, do without.
I get a shiver just looking at it, so now I definitely don’t like it. It creeps me right the hell out.
Why the hell would we even have this disgusting thing in our refrigerator?
By this time my mind, running all over the place, throwing pages of stored memory this way and that in search for an explanation, still hasn’t figured out what I’m looking at. It’s so weird looking I’m actually drawing my hand, holding the container, further from my face. As if the damn thing might leap out at me like the facehugger in ALIEN.
So what do I do?
I cover it back up and put it back inside the refrigerator, that’s what I do.
My wife will be home soon. She’ll have a sound, calm explanation of whatever that thing is, and I’ll have a private laugh over my silliness and imagination.
Yeah. My wife will be home soon and that crap in the refrigerator will make sense. I’ll dispense with my overreaction so much that, once I know what it is, I’ll probably even eat it.
Ha! Yeah! It is likely part of something we already ate! It’s a leftover! That makes all the sense in the world!
So I closed the refrigerator door – having lost my appetite – and went back to my room and my computer to wait for my wife.
Now I am writing this blog, waiting for my wife to get home and balance my world again.
And all the while I am waiting, there is my cat, my dog, and farther down the hall in the kitchen, someThing in a glass container that I cannot identify and can’t bring myself to describe.
Why can’t I bring myself to describe it. I think I’d go nuts. “That way leads to madness.” as the old stories would say.
It’s just some stupid harmless thing I know. My imagination is getting the best of me and I feel absurd about it. Childish. I’m too old and grown up for this nonsense.
Yet I am still waiting and that thing is still in my house, in the fridge, in the cold, in the dark, currently unseen among all the other food that I eat.
I could leave the house and take my cat and dog with me. Because, well, they shouldn’t be left alone in the house with that thing.
But I mustn’t obsess. How stupid of me.
My wife will be here soon. I’m not going to call her though. I’m not going to ask about that stuff in the refrigerator. This whole blown-all-out-of-proportion matter has me on edge and she knows me. She’d hear the fear in my voice.
No, I don’t want that. Not over something I just know is going to have a normal, even mediocre reason, for being in this house.
I could take a photo of it and put it online.
My friends could probably identify it and then everything would be okay.
No. I’m not going to do that. What would I do if they can’t identify it? That would thrust my paranoia into overdrive.
Or worse, what if they can and that crap, that thing, is something that would shoot my growing panic right through the roof!
Christ! The more I think about it, the more incriminating it is. God damn I wish I knew what the hell it was!
What was that?
Oh, I’m so dumb. It’s just the sound of floorboards creaking. Old house and all.
Shit! I need to stop being so god damn stupid and just chill the hell out.
Everything will be okay.
My wife will be home soon.
Copyright 2013, E.C. McMullen Jr.
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