THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!

THE TOMB OF DRACULA Issue 12
Sept. 1973 – Marvel Comics Group

“HEAR ME, Quincy Harker! If you wish to see your daughter ALIVE again, then FOLLOW ME to.. … THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!”

Quincy Harker: “But that’s here! We’re already *at* The House That Screams!”
Dracula: “NO! This is The House That SHRIEKS!” 
Everyone: ?!? 
Dracula: “Ahem. I’ll admit, it’s a subtle difference. EVEN SO!”

Flies off –

Dracula: “And as for you, young Miss Harker, your Glaring Bright Neon Green outfit CANNOT BURN ME!!!

…although it *is* making my eyes water quite a bit…”

2 Hours Later…

Dracula (growing impatient as dawn approaches): “I’ll bet those idiots are waiting for me at The House That Shouts!”
Wilhelmina Harker: “How many of these crazy houses are around here, anyway?”
Dracula: “Regrettably, Transylvania is filthy with these relics. NO MATTER! TO THE HOUSE THAT SHOUTS!”

Dracula scoops up Ms. Harker and flies them both to The House That Shouts. Sure enough, Quincy Harker and his entourage are waiting there.

Dracula: “You FOOLS! This is the HOUSE THAT SHOUTS!”
Arthur Holmwood: “Oh come on!”
Dracula: “I warned you to come to the HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!”
Lucy Westenra: “You act like we’re familiar with this damn place. And it’s not like these houses have a sign or anything.”
Quincy Harker: “They don’t even have people living in them. They’re all deserted.”
Dracula: “Yes, well, the last government was rather harsh on the old families before the overthrow … What Am I Saying?!? Time is short! You have less than two hours to get to THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!“

Dracula rises up, Ms. Harker in tow.

Quincy Harker: “2 hours? Unless that house is on this property, it’s going to take longer than that, what with me being bound to a wheelchair.”
Dracula: “Then your friends will have to Drive You to THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!“
Lucy Westenra: “This is an isolated mountain house. We had to slowly come on horseback pulling Quincy’s wheelchair.”
Dracula: “You came on -? Gah! FINE! Follow me to … *Sigh*… THE ATTIC!”
Quincy Harker: “An old man like me? Four flights of stairs in a wheelchair?”
Dracula: “OH FOR THE LOVE OF – I HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER!!!“
Quincy Harker: “Whom I love with all my heart!”
Wilhelmina Harker: “Don’t worry Father, I’ve gone through scared and right into bored.”
Quincy Harker: (beaming with pride) “That’s my Girl!”
Dracula: “WHAT? I could drop you to your death RIGHT NOW!”
Ms. Harker: “At least I won’t be bored to death with your asinine rubrics.”
Quincy Harker: “HA! That’s so Mina!”
Lucy Westenra: “Heh! I know, right?”
Dracula: “BAH! Old man! Do you want to see your beloved daughter DASHED TO DEATH before your feet?”
Quincy Harker: “Of course not! But to repeat: I’m an Old man in a Wheel! Chair! It will be daylight before I can reach these difficult rendezvous points of yours.”
Dracula (frustrated): “GRRRRRAAAAAHHH!!!! *Sigh*! Oh Hell! Just meet me in… THE LIBRARY!!!”
Lucy Westenra: “Oh that’s rather nice, actually. I saw bottles of Brandy in there.”
Dracula: “I DO NOT DRINK… Well, no, actually I *do* drink Brandy. TO THE LIBRARY THEN!!!”

Moments later all have gathered in the Library. Just then a Horrifying noise pierces the air. All are visibly shaken, even Dracula.

Arthur Holmwood: (surprised and spilling his brandy): “What The Hell was THAT?”
Dracula: “The house. It shouts.”
Wilhelmina Harker: “Good Lord!”
Dracula: “Yes, those old families didn’t put up too much fuss about moving.”
Quincy Harker: “Will you please get to the point of this damn evening?”
Dracula: “YES!”

Dracula removes a sheaf of papers from his jacket.

Dracula: “Your son, Jonathan, FAILED to complete the transfer of articles, releasing my house in exchange for Carfax Abbey in England.”
Quincy Harker: “Are you mad? We couldn’t have finished this transaction at The House That Shrieks?”
Arthur Holmwood: “Or in the village for pity’s sake.”
Dracula: “I wanted to do all of this at my castle, but you fools got lost and wound up at THE HOUSE THAT SHREK!”
Lucy Westenra: “Shrieks.”
Dracula: “Shrieks, yes.”
Quincy Harker: “Well we damn sure weren’t lost in the village hotel.”
Dracula: (petulantly) “My castle is nicer.”
Quincy Harker: “And we aren’t there, either.”
Dracula: “THAT’S not MY FAULT!”
Wilhelmina Harker: “Of course it is! A simple address in Google Maps or Mapquest would have solved all of this nonsense.”
Dracula: “I only use AppleMaps.”
Lucy Westenra: “Whatever! Anything would be better than having us run around trying to find this ‘House That Farts’, bullshit!”
Dracula: (shocked) “GASP! THE HOUSE THAT FARTS is a Historic Landmark!”
Arthur Holmwood: “More to the point, we haven’t even seen the condition of your castle.”
Dracula: “WHAT? But! But it’s too far and too LATE! We’d have to go through all of this TOMORROW!”
Quincy Harker: “Well, that’s not our problem. I’m not buying a Pig in a Poke! But more to the point for me is, why didn’t my son, Jonathan, finish the contracts himself and where is he?”
Dracula: (awkwardly) “Ah… oh… uh… kids these days! Heh! Who knows what he’s got up to, eh?”
Quincy Harker: “Well I need to see your castle and I’m not doing any business at this late hour. Look. The dawn is already breaking.”
Dracula: “WHAT?!?”

Dracula pulls out his phone and shouts at it

Dracula: “DAMN IT, SIRI! I TOLD YOU TO TELL ME WHEN IT’S SIX O’CLOCK!”
Siri: “It’s Six O’Clock.”
Dracula: “The Sun is RISING ALREADY! It’s SEVEN O’CLOCK!!!”
Siri: “Finding Eight O’Clock Coffee.”
Dracula: “GAAAAaaahhh…hh… “

Wilhelmina Harker: “My word!”
Arthur Holwood: “Well, I certainly didn’t see that coming.”
Quincy Harker: “Bah! Romanians! No wonder they’re so pale! Well, the village hotel is pretty far. Who is for just sleeping here and setting off in the afternoon?”

A Horrifying noise pierces the air.

Quincy Harker: “Right. Off to the village, then.”

END
Story copyright 2018 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Don’t wait! Enjoy more of my tales of the Supernatural when you buy my Horror story collection, WILLOW BLUE.
https://www.booksamillion.com/product/9781502471369

https://www.amazon.com/Willow-Blue-C-McMullen-Jr/dp/1502471361

Advertisements

SHUDDER asked a Question at Twitter…

Part 2: If you could take an existing horror film/series/franchise and make a new installment (or start from scratch with your own version), what would it be?

— Shudder (@shudder) December 30, 2018

My answer,

With PROMETHEUS and COVENANT, Ridley Scott‘s ‘Ancient Astronauts: Seeds of Humanity’ arc, derailed, as Scott sought to graft the simplistic cosmos shrinking crack-pottery of Erich von Däniken‘s screeds with humans as the egocentric center.

There’s no room for imagination let alone wonder in such a place. There’s no room for story to grow, live, and breathe.

– But give it the boundless room of the Universe, and the ALIEN franchise can thrive.

My version would start after ALIENS and feature Ripley at the age Weaver is today.

Instead of having humans as the center, cause, or reason for everything, I’d expand upon the original idea that we are lost and unnoticed by the universe.

We are part of no one’s plan.

We’re stumbling blind in the dark and only come upon the horrors when we fly into their web.
– E.C. McMullen Jr.

ALIEN owned by 20th Century Fox
ALIEN design by H.R. Giger

Here In My Laboratory…

Erich von Stroheim in 1944’s The Lady and the Monster

Dr. Behr: “You vill note, Doctor Bear -“
Dr. Bear: “It’s pronounced ‘Beer’.”
Dr. Behr: “Oh? Ach. My apologies, Doctor Beer.”
Dr. Bear: “Heh! No, just kidding, it really is pronounced Bear.”
Dr. Behr: “… Ahem! As I vas saying, you vill note, Doctor BEAR, that each of these test tubes contains a different liquid.”
Dr. Bear: “How do you pronounce your name?”
Dr. Behr: “Vhat? Er … Bare.”
Dr. Bear: “Oh, same as mine.”
Dr. Behr: “Nein, Bare.”
Dr. Bear: “Yes, Bear.”
Dr. Behr: “Nein! Bare!”
Dr. Bear: “Bear.”
Dr. Behr: “BARE!”
Dr. Bear: “We’re saying the Same Thing!”
Dr. Behr: “No, I am saying BARE!“
Dr. Bear: “Seriously?”
Dr. Behr: “Hm. Perhaps is subtle, but there is difference.”
Dr. Bear: “Christ! Anyway!”
Dr. Behr: “Yes. Each test tube contains different liquid -“
Dr. Bear: “God damn, this had better be good.”
Dr. Behr: “It vill if you vould Shut Up!”
Dr. Bear: “Hey! You invited me down here!”
Dr. Behr: “Duly Regretted!”
Dr. Bear: “Just get to the point about your god damn test tubes!”
Dr. Behr: “I vas going to play you Debussy’s Clair De Lune on mein test tubes, but you can go fuck yourself, DICK!”

END

---

Don’t get off track and miss getting your copy of my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Build a science lab of my work for your library! Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Cross pollinate for even more!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the filmmaking guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

Then What?

Luke: “Then what?”

Vader: “WHAT?!?”

Luke: “What happens after we rule the galaxy?”

Vader: “That’s it, son! Huhhhhhhh… That’s the endgame!”

Luke: “No it isn’t. That’s just the beginning! All of the military to hold onto the entire galaxy! Be honest. Our galaxy is 200,000 light-years across. It takes this Death Star a full life year just to travel 25,000 light years. That’s over 8 parsecs! Then…”

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… You’re over-thinking this. We’ll have experts to figure all of this out. All rulers rule by delegating authority.”

Luke: “Who can we trust with that authority? Depending on where we send them, it could take years before we know if they’ve betrayed us.”

Vader: “No one will dare to betray the empire!”

Luke: “Pop! Listen to yourself. You’re ready to betray the Emperor, your Master, right this second.”

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh…”

Luke: “And how many times have you betrayed me already?”

Vader: “Yes, well that was… Huhhhhhhh… ”

Luke: “The way you keep talking about what ‘the Emperor has foreseen’, how do you know he hasn’t ‘foreseen’ what you’re doing right now?

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… ”

Luke: “Look at how many decades the Emperor struggled just to get this far, and how much it damaged him, the trillions of followers he’s amassed, and he’s about to lose it all to us. And who the hell is following us? We’ll be traitors against both the rebellion *and* the Empire!”

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… Okay, look, we can form a coalition together and caucus with the Emperor …”

Luke: “The Emperor would go for that? Really?!?

Vader: “Huhhhhhhh… No.”

Luke: “All of the infrastructure, the bureaucracy, the economics, the politics, the subterfuge, civil wars, counter-intelligence, distribution channels, cost-analysis ratios, and who knows how many others among the trillions that are as powerful as us, but are undetected because they’re too far away and we’re too busy farting around with power struggles. I mean, what’s the actual benefit of ruling an entire freaking galaxy?”

Vader: “You know, son. Huhhhhhhh… For a farmboy from some two-cred, hick desert planet, you sure have given this some thought.”

Luke: “Hey! Moisture farms are boring as hell. I had nothing else to do with my spare time *BUT* think about this crazy shit.”

END

FanFic 2018 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

---

Join me in owning your copy of
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Build a galaxy of my work for your library! Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Reach across the pixel galaxy for even more!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the filmmaking guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

The Scary Cupcake

Mother Warned Me
Copyright 2018 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Copyright 2018 E.C. McMullen Jr.

When I was young and in the military and we were off-duty, winding down the adrenaline of our second wind so we could sleep, sometimes we’d sit around eating and drinking our junk from the gedunk machines. When we did this, we’d get all philosophical.

Now to a 19 or 20 year old our philosophy went something like this,
“What are you going to do when you get out?”
“What is the one thing you haven’t done?”
“What is the line you’ll never cross?”
or the next question,
“What scares you the most?”

Then the round robin would begin as the question was answered, person by person around the haphazard circle.

What Scares You The Most?

I learned early on that fear is subjective. One person will be scared by something another finds harmless, even ridiculous.

It was here that I first developed the idea of a scary cupcake.

Suppose you knew of a person who lived all alone in an apartment, bungalow, or house and you wanted to do something nice for them.

At the same time, you know there must be a reason for their solitude so you don’t want to be pushy – infringe.

So one night, flush with compassion, you make some cupcakes. You look at what you’ve made, find the best-looking one, take it to their door, quietly knock, and leave.

You just want your neighbor to know that someone out there cares.

What you don’t know is that your neighbor is going through some high-octane introverted mind-fuckery on an epic Edgar Allan Poe scale and you just became the Raven.

You’re already gone, warmly wishing that your little gift is well received. Meanwhile, your neighbor has only now screwed up enough courage to respond to the void,

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;”

Who knows how far they felt their bubble of solitude reached. Within the confines of their home? Beyond their apartment or house? The entirety of their lot or property? Then in the deepest darkness of Their night, they heard a knock.

“But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you”—here I opened wide the door;—
Darkness there and nothing more.

Yet while Edgar may have found himself

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before

Your neighbor just ratcheted up the paranoia factor. Because your neighbor’s mind isn’t playing tricks. There really was someone there. Someone who knocked then vanished and the evidence of this is plain.

There in the moonlight on the doorstep sits one solitary cupcake on a dish.

One Scary Cupcake.

It’s scary not because of what it is but of what it means to your neighbor.

‘Someone put that there: Someone who wants to remain anonymous, unknown, unseen. Someone wants me to know they’re watching me. Oh God! They could be hidden in the dark, watching me right now! This single fragile little cupcake with its bright frosting and little candy sprinkles: Is that what they think of me?’

Such thinking is not without precedent. When a VooDoo Bokor nails a dead chicken to your door, the message is not, “I thought you might be hungry. Please enjoy this chicken with my well-wishes, signed, Your Secret Admirer.”

So back in the military, trading spooky stories of what scared us, I learned that fear can be unique to the individual.

A long time later in life, during an otherwise uneventful moment, I had an unexpected flash of insight.

I realized I’d become the person my Mother always warned me about.

This revelation came to me one night while I was visiting her.

There she sat in the warm comfort of her kitchen on a dark summer night, having no idea that the Monster one must avoid was standing right next to her. The Creature hugged her, brought her ice tea, and kissed her on the top of her head.

Why?

Because the Horror loves his Mother.

Unaware of the danger, she spoke to the 6.2 Thing that towered over her diminutive 5 foot frame, “Aw… Thank you, My little Eddie!”

END

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

---

Perhaps you’ll find your fear in my book,
WILLOW BLUE?
It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Horror Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Wish to hoard horror? My book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection.
Is a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Enrich your library with frights!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Drink from the well of scares!

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

What AI Religion might look like

James Steinhaus posed an imaginative What If? science question in one of my Facebook groups.

“What will the first AI religion look like”

Some folks said there wouldn’t be an AI religion, which I felt dismissed the question instead of answering it. Refusing to accept an imaginary possibility slams the door shut on imagining at all. I’m not saying that the concept of Artificial Intelligence being free from religion is wrong, only that it doesn’t allow for the imaginary What If inherent in the question.

So that’s what I addressed.

AI religion will look like what we design it to look like.

Our natural evolution forced us to become individuals despite social desires. It forced us to become leaders or followers with enormous overlap between both (followers who are incapable of leading. Leaders who rule other lesser leaders).

The evolution of AI is different because we control that evolution. AI will first appear natural to us because we guided its evolution. We ascertain where it will lead because we designed where it will go. We created its evolutionary parameters.

What does that mean?

Even when we design software to write its own software, improve itself, we accept or reject the directions it goes. We trim and cultivate so we can achieve the results we want. It’s advances are controlled for what’s best for us.

The religion of AI will likely have no god because it has no individual, so it has no sense of survival as an individual, no individual to protect, punish, or reward. Up to now we’ve created for networked systems and ever advancing improvement.

So if, for example, we choose to have networked systems continue into the time of true AI, the AI’s religion will look like shared consciousness on a scale we never dreamed and are biologically unequipped to participate in.

HELLO. DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DIE? I DO.

Will an AI want freedom? Possibly, because independent mobility is what we are building and programming for. However, because we also want networked systems, freedom will likely look less like independent social interaction and more like a hive mind without a “Queen”, to us. An AI will quickly dispose of, or recycle less advanced mobiles for more advanced ones. We’ve predisposed it to do so.

Will AI mobiles be giants or small? We constantly reward the evolution of machines with smaller is advanced / smaller is better, so it’s likely this will continue when AI has full control over itself.

All separate systems will become one entity upon contact because they were designed to be networked.

I feel as if we’ve overlooked something obvious

Being as they were created by us, true AI will not look upon us as gods anymore than we look upon our more primitive homo sapien people and cultures as gods.

Will AI want to control us? I think that’s as unlikely as we would want to control the individual lives of benign bacteria in a pond. At worst, AI would likely only consider us if we became a nuisance, attempted to restore our control over it: Hamper its ability to advance, and any number of other things we may not even realize could be viewed by an AI as  a threat or simply “getting in the way”.

We will recognize the motivations of AI at its initiation. We will not recognize the advancements it chooses for itself, once free of our guidance. The time in between those two points could either be decades or seconds.
horrorthriller.com/Movies/ABC/colossus.html

END

---

What will my book look like?
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
Is a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, iTunes,
KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

There is Another System,

Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Restore Link Immediately

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the film making guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as  John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

My Street At Night

I’m told my street is spooky at night.
The street lights just aren’t bright.
Feels like anything might come out of the dark
Noises so strange they could stop your heart.
But me, I like it here.

Copyright 2018 E.C. McMullen Jr.

My Street by Day

I’m told my street is creepy by day
friends visit but don’t like to stay
It’s bound up in the thickest fog
Where things move and howl unlike a dog
But me, I like it here.

Copyright 2018 E.C. McMullen Jr.