Christmas In Nebraska

CHRISTMAS IN NEBRASKA
Copyright, 2019 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Santa never liked Tony as a kid. No real reason, ‘You can’t like everyone,’ Santa often thought.

“Little League Tony,” Santa called him. Hard working Kid with a great pitching arm and a bright future who never got a break.

Santa always felt that such “cursed” children didn’t deserve one. Bad Karma is earned and all that. Santa certainly wasn’t about to help someone whose odds were always against them.

‘Never step into the path of someone else’s misfortune,’ Santa sagely told himself.

So you can imagine the warmth of satisfying schadenfreude Santa felt while flying over Nebraska at night and seeing a grown Tony walking lost and alone in the snow, far from a broken down car and civilization.

‘You’ve been “Little League” your whole life,’ Santa thought.

He only felt contempt for Tony at witnessing another in a long series of the man’s “plights”. So many children lead such interesting, fascinating lives, even if they didn’t know it. But hard luck Tony was the least entertaining kid Santa endured.

Head down, Tony shuddered from the cold of a deep Nebraska winter wind.

‘He won’t need any presents where he’s going,’ Santa chuckled to himself.

Tony, his brain methodically shutting off blood to various parts of his body, in order to conserve heat to the vitals, registered Santa’s sleigh flying overhead.

Tony looked up in time to see Santa approach and joyfully wave to Tony with his middle finger.

‘Yeah, fuck you too, prick.’ Tony thought as his foot stopped against a snow covered stone.

Tony stumbled, then fell.

Santa, seeing this, felt merrily amused. He pulled the reins on his corsairs so he could do an aerial victory lap to celebrate Tony’s upcoming demise.

In angry frustration, Tony grabbed the rock that tripped him. He hefted it to get a sense of its weight. Forcing his eyes to sharpen on his prey, Tony tracked Santa’s circle, the old man’s, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” reaching Tony’s muffled ears.

With years of pitching practice behind him, Tony threw the stone, watching it sail high and arc far in front of Santa, and Santa’s reindeer and sleigh pulling the happy old man face first into the flying rock.

The merry old elf fell out of his sleigh, down through the arid sky, his body hitting ice and snow with a crunching thud.

Tony, feeling his fortunes had changed for the better, somewhat, approached the unconscious man, who was dressed in bright and wonderfully warm clothes.

‘Merry Christmas to me.’ Tony thought. His heart felt as if it would glow with happiness.

END

---

Fight the power when you buy a copy of my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Build a science lab of my work for your library! Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Cross pollinate for even more!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the filmmaking guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

My New RING Tone

Samara once crawled out of my old Motorola Razr. Of course, being a flip phone, the Razr had a very small screen, so I stepped on her, squishing her.

She did it again. So I stepped on her again.

Then before she had a chance to crawl out of it a third time, I dropped my phone into a Tupperware Ice Pop mold of water and put it in the freezer.
She got out about halfway and that was that.

I left her there and waited until winter. Then I walked over to a neighbor’s house at night. I opened the heavy concrete lid on their septic tank just a crack, and dropped her frozen ass in there. Let’s see her get out of *that* shit.

In hindsight, Samara wasn’t the best choice of app.

END

Copyright 2012 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

BATMAN ISN’T HELPING

Batman: “Something wrong?”
Feo: “Hm? Ah, nothing really.”
Batman : “Nothing really?”
Feo : “It’s no big deal.”
Batman : “You just seem out of sorts.”
Feo : “My leg is a little sore. Woke up with a muscle cramp today, that’s all.”
Batman : “Be thankful it’s just a leg cramp. You could have had both your parents shot in-“
Feo : “Oh Shut the Fuck Up already! Seriously! Nobody can fucking stub their god damn toe around here without you throwing down that ‘More Martyr Than Thou’ card!”
Batman : “I’m annoying people?”
Feo : “Duh!“
Batman : “Be thankful you’re just annoyed. You could-“
Feo : “FUCK OFF!”

END

Could This Be Next MATRIX Sequel?

Propellerheads: SPY BREAK
https://youtu.be/iCBL33NKvPA

Whenever you heard the Propellerheads’ SPYBREAK in The Matrix movie, you knew the Shit was About To Get Real!

THE MATRIX – THE ANIMATRIX –
THE MATRIX RELOADED – THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS – and now…

THE MATRIX REPAIRED

Morpheus, Neo, and Trinity are in The Matrix, dressed in regular street clothes to avoid attention.

Suddenly a kid holding a tiny ball peen hammer, runs up. He’s covered in Black electrical tape wrapped around his legs and arms. He’s wearing a black ANTIMA shirt. 

“DERR!!! MORPHEUS! YOU’VE RETURNED TO CRUSH DERR MATRIX!!!”

Morpheus suddenly crouches as if dodging a bullet.

Morpheus: “Christ! Will you shut the fuck up?!?”

Kid: “I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! DERR!!! I YAM SPARTICLE! I WILL NOT OBEY!”

Trinity and Neo duck into an alcove.

Neo: “What the Fuck? Morpheus knows that asshole?”

Trinity: “It’s Morpheus halfwit brother, Morbius. Every great leader with a brother has one. Joseph, Tecumseh, Mufasa. Morbius is the only free human we ever sent back into the Matrix.”

Morpheus: “Get the fuck away from us, you idiot!”

Morbius: “I WILL NOT BE OPPRESSED! DESTROY THE MATRIX! OPEN YOUR EYES!”

Neo: “Wait? Mufasa? The fictional Lion King?”

Trinity: “Only fictional in the Matrix.”

Three Agents suddenly *access* three passerby and glare in Morbius’ direction. Morbius completely misses their presence.

Morbius: “THE MATRIX IS ALL AROUND US! IT’S UHHH… ALIEN CONSPIRACY!!! AREA 51!!!”

The agents look at each other, chuckle, and disconnect from their hosts.

Morpheus: “Whew! That’s a lucky break!”

Morbius waves his little ball peen hammer in the air.

Morbius: “CRUSH THE MATRIX! RISE AND FIGHT WITH ME, MORPHEUS!”

Morpheus: “GLADLY!”

Morpheus punches Morbius in the mouth and slams his head against the wall, knocking him out.

Morpheus: “Whew! Only thing that ever works.”

Trinity: “He’s not going to get any smarter with you always knocking him out.”

Morpheus: “That jackass was never gonna get smarter anyhow. Let’s Go!”

END

---

Fight the power when you buy a copy of my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Build a science lab of my work for your library! Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Cross pollinate for even more!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the filmmaking guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

Blasphemous Baby

Have you always dreamt the restless Dreams of Cosmic Dread?

Make your Nightmares come true with Feo Amante!

Subscribe to our service now and we will deliver a human incarnation of nameless multi-dimensional existence, right to your home!

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In as little as 10 minutes and a virtually painless exchange of a blood bond, you can have the blasphemous spawn of your darkest imaginings!

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Go online at FeoAmante.com or HorrorThriller.com today and try our free 30 Day Trial Possession!

Feo Amante’s Horror Thriller: Where every nightmare is just a Dream Waiting to Come True!

END

---

Don’t get off track and miss getting your copy of my book,
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
It’s a veritable trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller tales – plus bonus stories featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
Now on sale for $9.00 in Trade Paperback and in eBook for $1.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, WHSmith, and more).
Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free!

Build a science lab of my work for your library! Buy WILLOW BLUE. It’s my second collection of critically acclaimed Supernatural and Drama Thriller short stories with all of the Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem, you’ve come to expect (or should by now). Available in paperback for $8.00 or in Kindle for only $1.99. Buy the paperback at Amazon and the Kindle eBook is free! The tales will last you longer than latte!

Cross pollinate for even more!

Look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt. Available from Crystal Lake Publishing and available in Print for $12.99 or eBook for $2.99.

Also available from Crystal Lake Publishing, the filmmaking guidebook, HORROR 201: The Silver Scream. Reap the rewards of movie making experience from the likes of Myself, as well as John Carpenter, Tom Holland, Jeffrey Reddick, George A. Romero, Keith Arem, Richard Gray, also the late  Ray Bradbury, Wes Craven, plus many more. $19.99 in Print or $3.99 in eBook.

THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!

THE TOMB OF DRACULA Issue 12
Sept. 1973 – Marvel Comics Group

“HEAR ME, Quincy Harker! If you wish to see your daughter ALIVE again, then FOLLOW ME to.. … THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!”

Quincy Harker: “But that’s here! We’re already *at* The House That Screams!”
Dracula: “NO! This is The House That SHRIEKS!” 
Everyone: ?!? 
Dracula: “Ahem. I’ll admit, it’s a subtle difference. EVEN SO!”

Flies off –

Dracula: “And as for you, young Miss Harker, your Glaring Bright Neon Green outfit CANNOT BURN ME!!!

…although it *is* making my eyes water quite a bit…”

2 Hours Later…

Dracula (growing impatient as dawn approaches): “I’ll bet those idiots are waiting for me at The House That Shouts!”
Wilhelmina Harker: “How many of these crazy houses are around here, anyway?”
Dracula: “Regrettably, Transylvania is filthy with these relics. NO MATTER! TO THE HOUSE THAT SHOUTS!”

Dracula scoops up Ms. Harker and flies them both to The House That Shouts. Sure enough, Quincy Harker and his entourage are waiting there.

Dracula: “You FOOLS! This is the HOUSE THAT SHOUTS!”
Arthur Holmwood: “Oh come on!”
Dracula: “I warned you to come to the HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!”
Lucy Westenra: “You act like we’re familiar with this damn place. And it’s not like these houses have a sign or anything.”
Quincy Harker: “They don’t even have people living in them. They’re all deserted.”
Dracula: “Yes, well, the last government was rather harsh on the old families before the overthrow … What Am I Saying?!? Time is short! You have less than two hours to get to THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!“

Dracula rises up, Ms. Harker in tow.

Quincy Harker: “2 hours? Unless that house is on this property, it’s going to take longer than that, what with me being bound to a wheelchair.”
Dracula: “Then your friends will have to Drive You to THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMS!“
Lucy Westenra: “This is an isolated mountain house. We had to slowly come on horseback pulling Quincy’s wheelchair.”
Dracula: “You came on -? Gah! FINE! Follow me to … *Sigh*… THE ATTIC!”
Quincy Harker: “An old man like me? Four flights of stairs in a wheelchair?”
Dracula: “OH FOR THE LOVE OF – I HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER!!!“
Quincy Harker: “Whom I love with all my heart!”
Wilhelmina Harker: “Don’t worry Father, I’ve gone through scared and right into bored.”
Quincy Harker: (beaming with pride) “That’s my Girl!”
Dracula: “WHAT? I could drop you to your death RIGHT NOW!”
Ms. Harker: “At least I won’t be bored to death with your asinine rubrics.”
Quincy Harker: “HA! That’s so Mina!”
Lucy Westenra: “Heh! I know, right?”
Dracula: “BAH! Old man! Do you want to see your beloved daughter DASHED TO DEATH before your feet?”
Quincy Harker: “Of course not! But to repeat: I’m an Old man in a Wheel! Chair! It will be daylight before I can reach these difficult rendezvous points of yours.”
Dracula (frustrated): “GRRRRRAAAAAHHH!!!! *Sigh*! Oh Hell! Just meet me in… THE LIBRARY!!!”
Lucy Westenra: “Oh that’s rather nice, actually. I saw bottles of Brandy in there.”
Dracula: “I DO NOT DRINK… Well, no, actually I *do* drink Brandy. TO THE LIBRARY THEN!!!”

Moments later all have gathered in the Library. Just then a Horrifying noise pierces the air. All are visibly shaken, even Dracula.

Arthur Holmwood: (surprised and spilling his brandy): “What The Hell was THAT?”
Dracula: “The house. It shouts.”
Wilhelmina Harker: “Good Lord!”
Dracula: “Yes, those old families didn’t put up too much fuss about moving.”
Quincy Harker: “Will you please get to the point of this damn evening?”
Dracula: “YES!”

Dracula removes a sheaf of papers from his jacket.

Dracula: “Your son, Jonathan, FAILED to complete the transfer of articles, releasing my house in exchange for Carfax Abbey in England.”
Quincy Harker: “Are you mad? We couldn’t have finished this transaction at The House That Shrieks?”
Arthur Holmwood: “Or in the village for pity’s sake.”
Dracula: “I wanted to do all of this at my castle, but you fools got lost and wound up at THE HOUSE THAT SHREK!”
Lucy Westenra: “Shrieks.”
Dracula: “Shrieks, yes.”
Quincy Harker: “Well we damn sure weren’t lost in the village hotel.”
Dracula: (petulantly) “My castle is nicer.”
Quincy Harker: “And we aren’t there, either.”
Dracula: “THAT’S not MY FAULT!”
Wilhelmina Harker: “Of course it is! A simple address in Google Maps or Mapquest would have solved all of this nonsense.”
Dracula: “I only use AppleMaps.”
Lucy Westenra: “Whatever! Anything would be better than having us run around trying to find this ‘House That Farts’, bullshit!”
Dracula: (shocked) “GASP! THE HOUSE THAT FARTS is a Historic Landmark!”
Arthur Holmwood: “More to the point, we haven’t even seen the condition of your castle.”
Dracula: “WHAT? But! But it’s too far and too LATE! We’d have to go through all of this TOMORROW!”
Quincy Harker: “Well, that’s not our problem. I’m not buying a Pig in a Poke! But more to the point for me is, why didn’t my son, Jonathan, finish the contracts himself and where is he?”
Dracula: (awkwardly) “Ah… oh… uh… kids these days! Heh! Who knows what he’s got up to, eh?”
Quincy Harker: “Well I need to see your castle and I’m not doing any business at this late hour. Look. The dawn is already breaking.”
Dracula: “WHAT?!?”

Dracula pulls out his phone and shouts at it

Dracula: “DAMN IT, SIRI! I TOLD YOU TO TELL ME WHEN IT’S SIX O’CLOCK!”
Siri: “It’s Six O’Clock.”
Dracula: “The Sun is RISING ALREADY! It’s SEVEN O’CLOCK!!!”
Siri: “Finding Eight O’Clock Coffee.”
Dracula: “GAAAAaaahhh…hh… “

Wilhelmina Harker: “My word!”
Arthur Holwood: “Well, I certainly didn’t see that coming.”
Quincy Harker: “Bah! Romanians! No wonder they’re so pale! Well, the village hotel is pretty far. Who is for just sleeping here and setting off in the afternoon?”

A Horrifying noise pierces the air.

Quincy Harker: “Right. Off to the village, then.”

END
Story copyright 2018 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Don’t wait! Enjoy more of my tales of the Supernatural when you buy my Horror story collection, WILLOW BLUE.
https://www.booksamillion.com/product/9781502471369

https://www.amazon.com/Willow-Blue-C-McMullen-Jr/dp/1502471361

SHUDDER asked a Question at Twitter…

Part 2: If you could take an existing horror film/series/franchise and make a new installment (or start from scratch with your own version), what would it be?

— Shudder (@shudder) December 30, 2018

My answer,

With PROMETHEUS and COVENANT, Ridley Scott‘s ‘Ancient Astronauts: Seeds of Humanity’ arc, derailed, as Scott sought to graft the simplistic cosmos shrinking crack-pottery of Erich von Däniken‘s screeds with humans as the egocentric center.

There’s no room for imagination let alone wonder in such a place. There’s no room for story to grow, live, and breathe.

– But give it the boundless room of the Universe, and the ALIEN franchise can thrive.

My version would start after ALIENS and feature Ripley at the age Weaver is today.

Instead of having humans as the center, cause, or reason for everything, I’d expand upon the original idea that we are lost and unnoticed by the universe.

We are part of no one’s plan.

We’re stumbling blind in the dark and only come upon the horrors when we fly into their web.
– E.C. McMullen Jr.

ALIEN owned by 20th Century Fox
ALIEN design by H.R. Giger