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VIKINGS vs WATER DRAGON

Viking-seas

Viking Seas by Santos Garijo

VIKINGS vs WATER DRAGON
Copyright 2014 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Norse Captain: “Ha, HA! Foul sea creature! We have you know!”
Water Dragon: “YOU MEAN YOU HAVE ME, NOW ?”
Norse Captain: “Huh? … Oh! Yes! We have you now!”
Water Dragon: “YOU’RE 300 YARDS AWAY AND NO ONE IS ROWING. HOW, PRAY TELL, DO YOU HAVE ME NOW?”
Norse Chief: “The Great Wizard enchanted our swords and axes to pierce your flesh and claim your heart! Ha! HA!

(All the Norsemen): “Ha! HAA!!!”

Water Dragon: “Tcha!  WHAT GREAT WIZARD?”
Norse Chief: “Gustafson!”
Water Dragon: “WHOA! THE GUSTAFSON?”
Norse Captain: “The Same!”
Water Dragon: “WOW THAT’S PRETTY IMPRES… NO WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT AM I THINKING? YOU POOR FOOLS, IN YOUR SIX SHIELD DINKY DINGHY, CAN’T EVEN BUY A WARSHIP. YOU CAN’T AFFORD THE GREAT WIZARD GUSTAFSON!”
Norse Chief: “We honored the price of our-”
Norse Captain: “Let me handle this.”
Norse Chief: “You’re the Captain.”
Norse Captain: “We vouchsafed his magics with the liberty of our village!”
Water Dragon: “YOU IDIOTS ENSLAVED YOUR VILLAGE TO A GREAT WIZARD? FOR MAGIC SWORDS?!?
Norse Captain: “Ah! But what Gustafson really wants are a Dragon’s teeth and heart!”
Water Dragon: “NOW I GET IT.”
Norse Captain: “So come at us, Dragon! And meet thy doom this day!”

(All the Norsemen): “Ha! HAA!!!”

Water Dragon: “NO.”

(Moment of shocked silence. The dragon’s reaction was clearly never considered)

Norse Captain: “Whhu- Wha- What?”
Water Dragon: “AS IN: NAH, NOT INTERESTED.”
Norse Captain:
“I’ve challenged you! You can’t refuse a challenge!”
Water Dragon: “YOU’RE NOTHING BUT BEARDED MONKEYS FLOATING IN A WOODEN HAT. THERE’S NO CHALLENGE.”
Norse Chief: “Hey! Whoa now! Damn!”
Norse Captain: “Buh- But you must! You ha- have to! The wiza…! Whew! …er… Fight you COWARD!”
Water Dragon: “AND IF YOU WERE A THREAT, THAT MIGHT MEAN SOMETHING. LATERS.”

Water Dragon vanishes beneath the waves.

Norse Captain: “No wait!”
Norse Chief: “Come back!”

The Norse captain stares at the air where the dragon was. He looks at the water where the dragon vanished. His magic sword drops to the deck of the dinghy as he sits down hard.

The little boat rocks alone on the waves of the sea. The Norse captain stares out at nothing.

Clouds pass overhead. Finally,

Norse Warrior 1: “It’s not coming back.”
Norse Warrior 2: “We are Fucked!”
Norse Chief: “Uh… belay that.”
Norse Warrior 2: “We are *SO* fucked!”
Norse Chief: “I said-!”
Norse Warrior 1: “We have nothing to BARTER!”
Norse Warrior 2: “The wizard will ENSLAVE us!”
Norse Warrior 1: “With the rest of our Village as soon as we RETURN!”
Norse Chief: “Well. Ah…mm…  yeah. …Yep. Any ideas, Captain?”
Norse Captain (looks blankly out over the rolling, empty sea): ” . . . “
Norse Chief: “Captain?”
Norse Captain: “Anyone speak French?”

END

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Artwork, Viking Seas, by Santos Garijo.


image descriptionWant more? Get my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, Sony Reader, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, Sony, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the 2013 anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

AND THE AWARD GOES TO…?

UDMPAwardsIn 2009 I worked as Production Designer and Art Director on the Science Fiction Horror Thriller webseries, UNIVERSAL DEAD. It starred Doug Jones, Gary Graham, and D.B. Sweeney.

It was written and produced by my bro and long-time Feo Amante’s Horror Thriller alumni, Kelly Parks, and released as a webseries in 2010, where it became an Internet hit.

Eventually, Kelly had it re-edited into a short film, and it began sweeping film festivals, finally winning the 2013 winning the LAWebfest, and competed in the Marseilles, France Worldfest (representing the U.S.), later that year.

Now UNIVERSAL DEAD is again nominated in a film festival, and the San Diego Film Awards have nominated me for Best Costume and Makeup.

You know, I’ve been so focused on helping UNIVERSAL DEAD  become a TV series or feature film, I never gave any thought to the idea of my winning an award.

Yet now that I know I’m nominated? I want to win!

If you’re in the San Diego area and plan to attend, IF  I should  win, my award will be accepted by Kelly Parks.

News by E.C. McMullen Jr.


image descriptionWant more? Get my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, Sony Reader, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, Sony, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the 2013 anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

SATAN’S SINISTER PLAN!

Inspired by the real world news of -
Video: Harlem Church Angry At Obama For Unleashing “Homo Demons”

Satan’s Sinister Plan!
Copyright 2014 by E.C. McMullen Jr.

ATLAH

via JoeUnseen

Satan: RELEASE THE HOMO DEMONS!
Minion: “You mean all of them? Is it the Apocalypse? So soon?”
Satan: EH? Oh… No, no. Just some local mischief.
Minion: “Still, that’s a tall order. Any particular ones, sire?”
Satan: Uh… I don’t know. What have we got?
Minion: “We have pretty much everything sire. Every shape or hybrid of shape, and every color of the spectrum, from traditional red up to and including black and white.”
Satan: BLACK. Demons always look cool in black. It’s got that Matrix vibe. Tcha! Red is so 20th Century.
Minion: “Black it is, sire.”
Satan: “NO WAIT! I’m trying to scare black women. Hmm… better make it White Homo Demons.
Minion: “White it is sire.” *CLAP!* CLAP!* “Attention, Damned: Release the White Homo Demons!”
Satan: Eugh! Is that what they look like?
Minion: “White as fresh snow, sire.”
Satan:But they’re so … pale!
Minion: “Well, yes. Indeed sire.”
Satan: And… HELLS BELLS! What are they DOING? Why are they  … Oh NO!  They’re WHIGGERS!
Minion: “You Damned fools! You released the White HOMEY Demons!”

THE END?

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

ATLAH sign Photograph via: Joe Unseen.


image descriptionWant more? Get my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, Sony Reader, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, Sony, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the 2013 anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE

Photo from My-Walls.org

Photo from My-Walls.org

THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE
Copyright 2012
by E.C. McMullen Jr.

With apprehension, Caleb looked away from the Oldster, to see the rising dust cloud over the mountain’s rocky crest. The horsemen were coming for him. How could they raise such dust on a rocky mountain?

Shaking his head, Caleb forced this question down. No distractions. Focus.

He was standing on a mountain. Rock! Could he really be feeling the ground shake from those things, those horses hoofbeats?

Damn it! His mind fought to betray him with needless, needling questions. He had to focus on the here. The Now. The Moment.

It was the horses with the Oldster. They pawed the ground in anticipation. It was their impatient hooves that rumbled the mountain.

“Your wish is now, Caleb,”  the Oldster intoned with deep gravity.

His wish: Caleb was closer than ever before to his wish. The very presence of the Oldster proved this.

Caleb’s wish would come true: Immortality. But the Oldster grants the wish with a price. Not all are worthy of their dreams.

“At the edge of the river,”  The Oldster said, “await the spirits of your wish, your eternal youth: the feline and canine, in a balloon.”

Caleb turned his head to look into the valley, and sure enough, a hot air balloon; bright colorful dot on the rugged desert landscape, was inflating.

“Your will, Caleb, and only your will alone, will get you there in time. Allow anything to slow you down, anything at all, and your life will leave without you.”

Caleb’s rational mind had so many questions. His brain wanted to pick apart everything the Oldster said, everything that was happening, and analyze it right down to the minutia. But that was his mind’s attempt to blur the moment, to procrastinate. No time in Caleb’s life ever required more concentration than now.

“Choose which horse you’ll have for your vitality, as you and the horse will become one.”

All the horses were eager to run, but only one was looking right at Caleb as if she knew him.

“Every minute you ride will be a year of your life, and the horsemen of time will chase you down, as surely as the storm of death behind them.”

Caleb looked back to the mountain’s crest. Of course. It wasn’t the dust of  riders. That was a desert storm.

Caleb chose the horse that chose him. She took the bit without hesitation. He swung up and over her back, and with merely a nudge of his bare boots into her flank, she shot off so fast she nearly left him behind.

Down the mountain they went, watching only the switchback trail rushing toward them. The Horse had a mind of her own, and was quick to react and act, so Caleb didn’t need to steer her clear of the treacherous dangers of the path, he only needed to hold on.

The balloon ahead was upright and expanding. It would be rising soon. He had to reach it before it was beyond reach.

As fast as they rode, sound was still faster, and Caleb could hear the thunderstorm, and the horsemen behind them. They weren’t gaining, but they weren’t falling behind either.

Yet through all of this, every bit of it, Caleb was a man of science. His rational, curious mind reeled with unanswered questions and demanded that he stop and analyze everything. Pick it apart, and figure it out.

It told him that he was really still back in a dry river bed, dying from exposure and dehydration. No immortal ‘Oldster’ had come to save him. All of this was a sunstroke hallucination.

His horse, which he hadn’t bothered to name in his rush, began to slow from exhaustion. The sound of his pursuers grew louder.

“No!”

The riders were fast approaching. Caleb  was pursued by no ordinary cowboys, but heatwave hell furies riding out of the mouth of morning’s dark from a Lewis Carroll nightmare.

‘The teeth that bite, the claws that snatch!’

With fear’s icy panic, Caleb brought all of his knowledge to the fore. Instead of questioning anything, he forced himself to answer everything.

“Impossible physical feats are achieved because we believe!”  He howled to the sky. “Stamina and endurance because we believe!”

A part of his mind, as if a distant observer, dismissed his words as cornball.
‘You’re smarter than that,’  it sneered.

Yet Caleb shouted down his doubts even louder.

“The perfect Omnivore can be created by nothing more than a few thrown switches on the spiral ladder!”  he shouted.

Caleb’s yelling on the outside beat down the negative nattering voices within.

“Immortality is possible!”  Caleb roared. “It’s locked within our DNA!”

His horse ran faster, making time.

‘Think,’  his doubting side told him. ‘This is fantasy. Supernatural.’

“All reality is natural by definition!”  Caleb crowed. “So this too is real!”

Now was not the time to question, but do. With immortality there would be time enough to research all of this: pull the veil of mystery from the truth.

Somehow, some way, with someone, the primitive creature that was the Oldster, made a deal for immortality. Eventually it outlived everyone it ever loved, then everyone it ever knew. Then everything it ever knew, and eventually its own species.

It saw another dominant species rise and thrive and eventually die. It saw humanity rise and thrive. Everything was eventual. Even the loss of hope: Caleb felt it with the Oldster. There was no human definition for the word ‘Alone’ as acute as the very presence of the Oldster.

Just learning what it endured in a life that spanned millions of years had, according to the creature, put every other human off the idea of its proffered immortality. They chose instead to welcome death.

But not Caleb. His desire of knowledge, to see what was on the other side of everything, understand it, know it, and create from it, was unquenchable.

“My thirst is unquenchable!”   Caleb shouted.

His doubting side whispered ‘Failure!’

Thunder from behind. The lightening strikes and rider’s hooves shook the very air in shockwave.

Caleb laughed out loud at his terror, as Horse and Man, they moved swiftly across the valley floor, toward the river and balloon.

So concentrated was his focus, that sometimes he felt as if it was he, running across the valley floor on two legs. Then, just as swiftly, he could feel all four of his hooves galloping across the desert.

“…you and the horse will become one,”  the Oldster said.

Caleb laughed again and they gained speed. Yet as Caleb looked toward the balloon, he saw it skirt a bit across the ground. It was so light now, that a mere errant breeze could move it – and it moved farther away.

Soon it would be rising beyond his reach.

Caleb kicked his boot heels into his flanks – the horse’s flanks – their flanks.

“Faster! Faster! Faster!

So it was that Caleb, man and horse, rode furiously toward water and clear blue skies: as eternal youth slowly rose before them, and death thundered from behind.

END

Story by E.C. McMullen Jr.

Photograph: Photographer Unknown. Stock image available for free at My-Walls.org.

Music: Ghost Riders In The Sky. Performed by Johnny Cash. Penned by Stan Jones.


image descriptionWant more? Get my book
PERPETUAL BULLET: A Science Fiction Collection
A trove of previously published Science Fiction Horror Thriller – plus bonus stories
Featuring: Weird Sex, True Love, Monsters and Mayhem!
By E.C. McMullen Jr.
Now on sale for $2.99 and available for your Android Tablet, iPad, Kindle, Nook, Sony Reader, and every other “E”!
Find it at (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Diesel, !ndigo, iTunes, KoboBooks, Smashwords, Sony, WHSmith, and more).

Also look for my story Cedo Looked Like People, in the 2013 anthology, FEAR THE REAPER, edited by Joe Mynhardt and available in Paperback and eBook.

Oh Yeah?

ECI got so upset with them, that I went to the grocery store and spent $180 dollars!

Then I returned to the hotel, hotwired their car, spun it in circles a few times in the parking lot, and drove it straight into the hotel lobby, smashing right through the glass doors.

Then I pelted container after container of cake frosting at the car until it was covered, then garnished it with sprinkles.

I bet that’s the last time they’ll ever call ME crazy!

- E.C. McMullen Jr.

Clear Eyes

ECI had an appointment with the Eyes of the Soul Optometrist today.

He sat me in the comfy chair, turned his massive Eyes of the Soul machine toward me, flicked off the lights and said,

“I want you to look at your life with just your left eye.
Do you see the error of your ways?
How about now?
Now? Or now?”

- E.C. McMullen Jr.

The Shortest Horror Story

The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.”
― Frederic Brown

It was the last woman on Earth.

The last man and woman on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

It was the last boy and girl on Earth.

The last man, woman, boy, and girl on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

They taught the last monkey to knock.
- E.C. McMullen Jr.

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